Conformity


For many people, "conformity" is not an appealing word. The idea of conforming to a way, a rule, or a group standard raises the specter of losing our identity, becoming blindly submissive. One of the dictionary definitions of "conform" lends credence to this fear. Webster's New Universal Unabridged Dictionary (Second ed.) defines the term "conform" as "to have the same form; be or become similar", "to make like" or "to submit." In other words, become someone you are not.

The fear of conformity can keep people from living in community. I find that there is a wonderful, profound experience of the Space of The Consciousness in the Alaya community. People can sense the Space the moment they come in the door, and feel instantly at home. Yet the community environment here can also be daunting to some. The Alaya community functions with a certain orderliness. The premises are kept clean and beautiful. Community members come together for informal sitting almost every morning, and for scheduled talks or question-and-answer sessions given by Ishvara several times each week. There are community meals, in which all are expected to take part, five times a week. Every member has accepted certain jobs and responsibilities, such as cleaning or maintenance or administrative work, to help keep the place functioning smoothly. From the outside, this orderly functioning could appear to be the product of mindless conformance, and that can be intimidating to some who visit here.

Yet there is another meaning to conformity which I find more accurate in this case. The same Webster's dictionary defines conformity also as meaning "to bring into harmony or agreement;...to adapt..." Conformity can thus mean adapting ourselves to what is happening, bringing ourselves into harmony with Life in each moment, without losing our uniqueness. Ishvara speaks to this latter meaning in a message I have transcribed and edited from a talk he gave on August 12, 2004. - TG.

Ishvara:

When you drive on the highway, you conform to traffic laws which are designed to keep accidents from occurring, to prevent harm from happening to people. If everyone on the highway decided to drive as a non-conformist, there could be a terrible disaster.

Blind conformity becomes mindlessness. Intentional conformity, recognizing that there is a certain purpose to it, is awareness--awareness of harmonizing, flowing processes that serve the whole, that create the most harmony, the most balance. A certain structure is necessary when there are more than a few people involved. If there are only one or two people, each can decide when to eat, when to get up in the morning, and so forth, without much problem. But when there are lot of people in the group, there are agreements that need to be made so that there is a harmonizing aspect, because if most of the group wants to go to sleep early at night, they should not have to be disturbed by one person who wants to stay up all night and make noise. There needs to be a group consensus as to what will work best. That is not "conforming" in the sense of emulating; it is creating a structure that serves the whole. On the outside, it may look like blind submission, a mindless structure, but on the inside it is really just a way of arriving at a process that serves the most people and lays aside the most possible confusion and disruption.

Having some kind of order to Life is not necessarily mindless conformity. To purposefully harmonize in a situation is awareness. That awareness may at times run into someone's personal agenda, but when one has made a decision to be in a group or community, it is a decision to lay aside one's personal agenda, because if everybody keeps their personal agenda there is likely to be chaos.

On the other hand, if conformity takes the form of acceptance of something that has been passed down over time, as blind obedience to "this is the way it is done," such that it has become a ritual that has lost touch with its original purpose, one would have to ask the question whether it is still pertinent or not. There may have been a very good reason for the practice at the time it started, but the reason may no longer exist. Washing feet in the ancient Near East had a beneficial purpose: people walked barefoot and their feet became dirty, so it was a beneficial thing to have their feet washed. But washing feet has been ritualized by some religions, even though the original reason may no longer exist. I have read about some communities that also seemingly follow mindless rituals, the original purpose for which has ceased to exist.

At Alaya, we have a practice of taking off our shoes once we come in the door, in order to help keep the inside of the house clean. There is the purpose of keeping the place clean, so the practice is not a mechanical routine. A present community establishes ways of doing things because to do so is harmonizing to the whole. The community is always looking at what creates the greatest order, while at the same time honoring the uniqueness of individuals.

In this community, I have established ways of being, a minimal structure that creates the most harmony and the most opportunity for people to be themselves without causing disruption or chaos, although disruption sometimes happens nevertheless. There is nothing wrong with disruption; it is OK, and we deal with that when it happens. Disruption does not destroy the system, because the system can expand and contract as necessary. We try to allow for the real needs of individuals, but we are also alert to individuals' programming, because the programming is unconscious. The programming doesn't fit.

When people are their real selves and finding True Nature, it will be both unique and congruent with the whole at the same time. The people in this community have found that they can retain their uniqueness and blend with the rest, not sacrificing who they are, but being their real selves--not a programmed bag of emotions and problems. True Nature has a way of blending and harmonizing. People have problems when they are not letting go of old baggage, when they are trying to hold on to some condition from the past; it doesn't fit, and so there is a problem. Once a person realizes that it is just a condition they have adopted, they have the opportunity to look at it and begin to let go of it.

Conforming in the sense of trying to emulate other people is a low-frequency experience. Conforming in the sense of harmonizing and adapting, is a higher frequency. Life is like a giant jigsaw puzzle: to be the piece you are, to find where you fit, is not "conforming" in the sense of copying something or somebody; it is being natural, who you are, finding the most harmonious way of being. When you are free of conditional expectations, there is much more opportunity to be who you are. It is beneficial for people to get over the low-frequency idea of conforming, and see a greater possibility. Living in community, being who you are, is a matter of harmonizing with the situation, moment by moment.

If community members have respect for each other, the community can go a long way toward finding a place of balance and harmony. Finding a place of harmony means having respect for each other, for people outside the community, for humanity, withholding judgments, expectations and opinions, and trying to gain some level of awareness of people as they are, realizing that people have problems, people are conditional, and everybody is striving to be more unconditional, and giving people the benefit of the doubt, trying to inspire people to be more, instead of trying to control them or force them to be more.


This message was written and transcribed by Terry Grant.


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